Asking your child all the right questions
February 8th, 2010One of the most important skills for your child to develop is good communication, which is vital to their ability to make friends, excel in school and problem solve. A shy child may have particular trouble with communication not because they don’t know what they want to say, but because they lack the confidence to say it.
Set the example of good communication by maintaining an open dialogue with your child. Ask questions that encourage them to talk to you about their concerns, achievements, and hopes, and sincerely listen to what they tell you. Knowing that they can talk to you openly will increase their confidence.
When you ask them how their day was, don’t just accept “fine” as an answer. Ask specific questions that invite them to share with you. Instead of “How was your day?” ask them “What did you read in class today?” or “What happened at recess?” By asking specific questions you show your child that you really care what is going on in their lives, even when you’re not there.
Once you start this dialogue, it will be easier for your kids to come to you with something that is bothering them without having to ask them about it first. This is an important part of communication because there are some problems all of us—not just our children—need help solving. They can’t be afraid to go to you to ask for help.
The same goes for school. If you teach your children that teachers are people they should look up to, they will have more respect for them. As a result of that respect they will forge better relationships with their teachers, and then won’t be afraid to ask for help if something goes over their head.
A child that lacks the confidence to ask questions is at great risk of falling behind in class. If they don’t ask questions and participate, not only will this affect their grades but also their ability to grasp the material being taught. Everyone learns at a different pace, but with good communication skills your child won’t be afraid to ask for help when he needs it.
Outside of the classroom, good communication is important to how your child makes friends. If he is too shy to talk to others, he is going to have a hard time meeting new people. If you teach your child communication through the environment you create at home, they can carry those skills with them to the schoolyard.
Good communication, for children especially, is all about being comfortable. They are not going to put themselves forward in a situation where they feel awkward or embarrassed. Creating a comfortable environment helps your child feel more at ease and enables him to overcome his shyness. Your child may find this environment in a sport, activity, or hobby that he enjoys. Isabel Zaleski-Linde has noticed an improvement in her daughter Meadow’s communication level since Meadow began karate class.
“Meadow’s level of shyness has decreased. She’s no longer afraid to be in a crowd and she opens up to me a lot more,” Isabel said. “She has much more confidence in herself and seems to be a lot more outgoing.”
Joining karate class has given Meadow a comfortable environment where she can build her confidence. She is treated with respect, she is learning about confidence, persistence, and self-control, she is surrounded by her fellow classmates, and—most importantly of all—she is having fun. Finding something that your child enjoys doing will help him gain confidence and overcome his shyness, thus increasing his communication skills.
Contributed by Solomon Brenner author of Black belt Parenting “the art of raising your child for success” This week we are inviting your family for a free focus and concentration seminar. call to reserve your limited spot 215-355-5003
