That Dirty Four Lettered Word, “CAN’T”
Successful people work through their fears and hesitations. Even when they don’t feel like giving 100 percent to a project, they do it anyway. Just because you’ve failed once does not mean you will never succeed. On the contrary, these little failures help guide us to our final success, but the only way to get there is by constant determination and persistence.
There will be times in any person’s life where they just want to throw in the towel. When it comes to your children, they need to learn that copping out is not an option in the real world. Just because something is hard doesn’t mean you should give up. In fact, often times the most difficult things are the most rewarding.
Persistence takes a lot of patience. For example if your child is struggling with math, throwing the pencil and claiming that he or she “can’t” do it is not going to make the problems any easier. If you teach your children to struggle through little trials like this at an early stage in life, the bigger hurdles will seem less intimidating.
The biggest mistake you can make is letting your children believe they “can’t” do something. This often means that they are simply too frustrated to continue trying. Frustration is normal when we are tackling something we find difficult, so help them work through their frustration. Maybe take part in an activity that releases pent-up aggression or practice breathing exercises that help calm their nerves. If you work through the frustration with them it will make the task ahead a lot less daunting. The only way your children will succeed in life is if they take the challenges head on and persevere even when they think they can’t go on anymore. This ability to persist is what will make the difference between achieving their goals and not achieving their goals.
One way to motivate your children is to track their progress on whatever challenge it is they are trying to overcome. In the example of the math problem, you could mark on a calendar how many problems your child got right on his or her homework each day. Seeing their improvement on paper will only make them want to get even better.
I see students struggle with persistence all the time at my martial arts studio. Persistence is something that we try to teach all of our students. Learning new techniques, kicks, or punches can be really frustrating, but our students know that this frustration is something they have to work through if they want to reach their goal of black belt. Susan Anderson said that martial arts training has given her daughter, Brooke, “a great deal of confidence in everything she does in school as well as at home. She does not give up when confronted with something difficult. She is very focused on what she wants to accomplish.”
Letting them give up on their goals because they get too difficult is cheating your children out of reaching their full potential. You may know how it feels to think “what if” after you have given up on a goal. “What if I had tried to make it to the Olympics?” “What if I had tried to keep my grades up to get into a good college?” We want our children to be able to live with as few regrets as possible and the only way they will be able to do that is by giving their all into everything they do. Persistence through even the hardest of times will yield a sense of accomplishment that makes it all worth the struggle.
Contributed by Solomon Brenner Author of Black Belt Parenting “the art of raising your child for success” and Master instructor of Action Karate for question write to actionkarate@comcast.net
Solomon Brenner
Master Instructor Action Karate
Author Black Belt Parenting “the art of raising your child for success”
For many families, Valentine’s Day means chocolate, candy, and more sweets! This February, kids can enjoy the Valentine’s Day fun while keeping healthy. Here are some healthy alternatives to the chocolate and candy that can pull on your heartstrings this February: