Listen With Unconditional Love
One of the biggest challenges you will face as your children get older is keeping a healthy, open relationship. The key to any relationship is communication. We all know how important it is to talk to our kids, especially about tough issues like bullying, peer pressure and safety. But it is equally important, perhaps more so, to listen to your children. Listening and taking an interest in their conversation can bring you closer and keep you close as they get older.
Good communication with your children should start almost as soon as they learn to talk. As they go through their “why” phase- “Why is the sky blue?” “Why does Tommy have different color skin than me?”- it is important to give them honest answers in a way they can understand, even if it may make you a little uncomfortable. Doing so earns their trust so they feel comfortable coming to your for answers.
No matter how insignificant a problem your child has may seem to you, it is important give it proper consideration. By listening to their problems and helping them work them out or asking the right questions to enable them to work the problems out for themselves, you are encouraging them to come to you whenever they have a problem. It is important that they feel like they can go to you when something is wrong, especially as your children get older and the issues they face get more difficult and dangerous.
With everyone’s busy schedules, it can be challenging to find opportunities to talk with your children. Asking them about their day at dinner or turning off the TV for a half an hour can help your line of communication open. Since you may not always be in the same place at the same time as your kids, sometimes it’s necessary to plan ahead to spend time together. Taking your son on a fishing trip or hitting the mall with your daughter can provide time for fun and conversation. Pay attention to details and ask follow up questions. Sometimes it’s easy to ask, “how was your day” without even paying attention to the answer. Asking them specific questions will show them that you are truly interested in what they have to say.
Listening to your kids also gives you insight into their world. Ask them what music they like, what they like to do for fun with their friends and what’s considered cool or uncool. They think you are uncool for not knowing, but they will appreciate your interest all the same. It will help you get to know your children better as their likes and dislikes change. Don’t be afraid to introduce the topics of drugs and alcohol. If you start talking about the dangerous effects of substance abuse when they are young, it will be a no-brainer when the time comes to say no. They will know what the right decision is, and that will give them the courage they need to stand up to peer pressure.
No matter what the issue, whether your six-year-old feels bad about himself because he’s a slow reader or your ten-year-old wants to know why she can’t wear makeup like her big sister, it’s important to treat your children’s concerns with the respect that you expect your children to show for you. Listening to their problems, helping them overcome them, and being their whenever they just need to vent can help you maintain a healthy level of comunication with your children. They may not tell you everything all the time, but at least they’ll know they can.
For a free report on “Fantastic Focus For My Child” write to actionkarate@comcast.net
Contributed by Solomon Brenner Author of Black Belt Parenting “The Art of Raising Your Child For Success.” Master Brenner uses the Action Karate to teach self control so your child will not lose their temper, be disrespectful, cry too easily and accept responsibility.